Every Presidential Election since we’ve been open (that makes three), The Grooming Guys have offered up our suggestions for how the candidates can best groom themselves to be the chosen one(s). Our suggestions have always been a bit tongue-in-cheek, but humor aside, these suggestions are based on experience in this arena. After all, we are the “world’s most powerful barbershop” based on our flagship location’s location in D.C. and the fact that we see dozens and dozens of gents from every branch of government… all the way up to the top. In a nutshell, following these guidelines works and candidates should take note. The media certainly has — as they’ve published our tips in periodicals from coast to coast. See here and here and here and more.
Anyhoo, what are our tips for the potential leaders of the free world? Read on:
On John McCain
• Eyebrows Of Mass Destruction: “Our research shows that the last five elections have been won by the candidate with more well groomed eyebrows. Senator McCain needs to do some trimming of those caterpillars to stay in the race.”
• His Darkest Days Are In Front Of Him: “There are certainly concerns about Senator McCain’s age and health. Some of this could be eased if he would use a subtle self tanning product. Such a product would make him look less pale, healthier ultimately and a bit younger.”
On Barack Obama
• His Campaign Shouldn’t Look So Grey: “We understand that Senator Obama’s salt and pepper grey might be a tool to make him seem older and more experienced. We say ‘naaah.’ Mr. Obama needs to blend out that grey to maintain his smooth and always on-point style to stay connected to younger voters. His grey is a bit spotty”
• No Sweat(s), Barack: “The Senator’s love of basketball has been showcased on many media outlets, as has his tendency to wear full-length sweatpants during these pick-up games. Wearing these sweatpants makes him look a little ‘out of touch’ and like he’s hiding something (does he have three knees?). We suggest he go with standard long shorts for continued mass appeal.”
On Joe Biden
• He’s Got A Hair Don’t:“Senator Biden really has some hair challenges. He’s got way to much hair and fly-aways all the way around. A real hair style is needed to clean up that ‘rat’s nest’ of sorts. A more refined style will lead to a more ‘put together’ and less ‘off the cuff’ view of Biden.”
• The Vote Is Neck & Neck:“Mr. Biden needs to take a trimmer to his neckline. Voters want someone who pays attention to the details… like too much hair on the back of their necks.”
On Sarah Palin’s Husband, Todd
• Lose The Goat:“Since some are questioning the Governor’s maturity and experience, Mr. Palin should help her out by shaving his youthful goatee. Such a goatee makes him look a bit collegiate and reflects poorly on Governor Palin’s inexperienced image.”
• Gel More With Less: “Too much sticky hair gel also makes him look less mature – and reflects the same on his wife. A less ‘crunchy’ hair product can remove that youthful wet look.”
