Stored in: Embarrassing Issues, Random Observations, Uncategorized
It’s tough and expensive to be a well-groomed man — but even tougherer more expensiver to be a neurotic clean freak. We bring this up in lieu of a recent situation that tested one of the Grooming Guy’s cost vs. cleanliness equilibrium. Let us know what you, as an undoubtedly clean and polished gentlemen, would have done in the same situation. Here’s what happened:
Grooming Guy is on a trip to the Los Angeles area to visit some family and recharge. While there, he thinks it might be a treat to take in a Dodgers game, as it’s one of the few MLB stadiums he’s yet to experience. Takes his two young boys (7 & 3) to the game and after both offspring drink themselves silly on lemonade and milkshakes (melted ice cream), they have to visit the restroom. That’s when the magic happens.
Instead of individual urinals, the stadium has troughs. Basically, canals attached to the walls where upwards of a dozen men stand side to side to relive themselves. Pretty nasty already, but that’s just the start. One of the Grooming Guy’s sons isn’t tall enough to reach, so Grooming Guy leans over to pick him up for proper aiming and release. Simultaneously while leaning over to do so, Grooming Guy’s favorite, $150+ Ray Bans, topple off his head and plummet into the multi-user urine basin. Everything from there goes in slow motion.
“Are you f-ing kidding me” says the Grooming Guy, almost dropping his child into the same murky mess as he unsuccessfully tries to snag the shades before entry. “That’s a tough choice” says the Hell’s Angel-looking monstrosity of a man who saw the whole thing go down. “Nice knowing you” says Grooming Guy to his glasses of 2+ years.
Rest of the game, including Manny Ramirez seeming to give himself a manicure while playing left field, is watched through the Grooming Guy’s squinted eyes. No new glasses purchased as of yet, but when he does get some, he won’t be above the ultimate of style faux paus — the croakies.
What would you have done? Who has the glasses now?
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August 26th, 2009 at 9:32 am
You leave the Glasses. Croakies are a must for the Southern Man.
August 26th, 2009 at 10:08 am
That stadium is nasty — I agree. Try some Ray Ban Wayfarers (sp).
August 26th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Pick the dam things up, wash the glasses and youself. After raising three boys anthing possible. Durnig a plane change in Kansas City I had to pee. I was traveling with my three your old son. While standing at the urinal relieving my self my son procceded to inspect every man and play in every urinal. After that sunglasses seem easy to retrieve. GOOD LUCK NEXT TIME!
August 26th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
You did the right thing…ugg. Look at it this way: you just paid $150 to be able to tell the story if you ever get into a (pardon the phrase) pissing contest with your friends or colleagues over “the price I’ve paid in the name of fatherhood.”
August 26th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
A little urine has never killed anyone… Not putting the glasses back on, definitely, but losing a pair of glasses that could have been soaped for a few seconds seems silly.
August 28th, 2009 at 12:19 am
I think I would’ve grabbed them gingerly between two fingers and then rushed to soap them off.
Were you wearing the glasses or just had them pushed back up on your head? I’ve lived in Asia for over 15 years and over here (China, HK, Thailand) only girls push their glasses up onto their hair when not in use. I’ve been here so long that I can’t push my glasses up knowing only girls do it. Instead I hang one arm of my glasses down the inside of my shirt. If you had them this way then they wouldn’t have dropped in the soup!
September 1st, 2009 at 11:20 am
You pick them up. Worse case you pull a little paper towel so you don’t have to jam your mitt into the piss pool. But you pick them up. Unless of course you haven’t been following your own advice about moisturizing your hands and they are dry and cracked. Then you might consider leaving them. Otherwise, snatch those puppies out of the trough, throw them in the sink with a couple of teaspoons of that pretty pink soap and scrub away.
September 3rd, 2009 at 8:40 pm
Most of the guys I know, myself included, wear their sunglasses hooked in the neck of their shirts, or arms hooked around the front or back of their necks. The back of the neck trick would’ve kept your Bans in your hands. In this awkward sitation I doubt I would have picked them up, especially if guys were queued behind me. If there had been only another guy or two in the loo and no sons, I probably would have gone to get a paper towel and picked em up. Probably a good lesson for the boys though: leave stuff that falls in the toilet in the toilet.
Time was, troughs used to be floor to height, so a boy could use it too. In Australia I saw ingenious floor troughs that included a grate to stand on over a shallow gulley. They easily wash the gulley (to clean up after the missers and drippers) by giving the trough a good flush.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
[...] blog post a few weeks back dealt with the crossroads one of the Grooming Guys was at after dropping his treasured Ray [...]
November 22nd, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Some insights (?) to consider from Wikipedia:
Except in cases of kidney or urinary tract infection (UTI), urine is virtually sterile and nearly odorless
Aztec physicians used urine to clean external wounds to prevent infection
Urine has also been historically used as an antiseptic.